Dear Diary…
Dear Diary,
In last month’s newsletter I tried reminding people to put their appointments in their calendars and be on time, or at the very least, show up. Then, the week after I sent it, I got 2 no-shows (they both texted explaining that they forgot) and another two forgot until the last minute and made it about 10 mins late. Again, things happen. But the very week after the reminder? It wasn’t even a full moon week! It was a Waxing Crescent week, I checked, so I should keep an eye on that next month to see if it makes people forget.
It’s clear to me now that nobody reads this thing. Which is fine, it’s more for me anyway, a self-serving exercise in writing to make me feel all clever and witty. I know it gets sent out, because people say they read it, Ron even told me he enjoyed it. Maybe it’s like in school when Teacher asks if I read Chapter 4 and I said “of course”, then avoided eye contact. I’ll start quizzing my clients when they say they’ve read the Newsletter. “Oh yeah? Glad you liked it. What was your favourite part?” Busted.
So this is just my diary now, since I’m the only one who reads it. NOTE TO SELF: don’t forget to buy ice cream on the way home tonight or the kids are going to call you names again. Mean names. They’re just…so mean.
Remember, Seth, they’re just people like you, you forget things all the time. You forgot Nathan had a 10:45 appointment and you opened the doors at 10:50 thinking it was an 11:00, and by that time he’d left because you no-showed him. Everyone gets one free and that was yours. But you felt guilt and shame, as you should. Hopefully you learned your lesson. Nathan probably went home that night and vented to his wife about how you ruined his day, how it snowballed into going to a chain barbershop, them giving him an abomination, leading to him being upset and blowing up at a customer, getting him fired, almost losing their house because we’re all a couple paycheques away from homelessness, but finally he got in and I cleaned him up and got everything back on the straight and narrow. Phewf! I saved the day. Again. (just kidding he actually got a promotion before he came back and I’m very proud of him.)
To Do:
Send this link to people to book a cut.
don’t forget to get an oil change next week.
Order more product to sell.
Change bank password
Tell your clients to park against the grey wall if they’re parking in back, because the people who rent parking spots back there keep getting bumped out of their spots. And if their truck is bigger than a 150/1500, best to park on the street.
Learn when to switch from first person to third so you don’t get confused when reading this journal in the future so you know who I’m talking to.
Let your clients know you now carry Groom bar soap for those who simply use shampoo runoff to wash in the shower, which obviously isn’t enough. Your wife will thank you, Matt.
Many people have complimented my beautiful work station that was installed last year, because it’s so handsome and slick with its Chartreuse green. I tell them I’m also a master carpenter but it’s time I came clean. It was built and installed by the artisan craftspeople (I hope that’s not a certified designation I’m illegally bestowing upon them) at Black Wolf Custom Homes. They’re great people who do great work, so check them out if you’re considering a build. https://blackwolfcustomhomes.com/ is something I would tell people to click if they read this. They even made it look like the floor isn’t crazy uneven. Is “artisan craftsperson” something that us civvies call someone but those in the biz roll their eyes at? Like the term “mixologist”?
Seth’s Health Tips
Speaking of Chartreuse, I’m reminded of the time 10 years or so ago when that terrible flu was going around, and since I was bartending I was reading a lot about alcohol and how hundreds of years ago people made tinctures of herbs and alcohol and that was their medicine. So naturally I applied that logic to modern medicine. Chartreuse (a liqueur so nice they named a colour after it) is composed of 130 herbs, roots, and spices and has been around for 500 years, made to this day by actual French monks, and Jagermeister has 56 herbal ingredients, and is made by actual Germans. So, every day until my kids got better and no longer contagious, I drank a 2 oz dose of the mixture. Healthy as a horse. So now, every time I hear of something going around, I give myself a prescription, take it to the pharmacy (liquor store) and get it filled. Tastes better than Buckley’s and works even better. After all, Chartreuse is an anagram of Earth’s Cure. Tell your clients to try it out. It’s a preventative medicine, so if they’re already afflicted, they need Fernet Branca, which tastes exactly like Buckley’s.
Way back then, if the tinctures didn’t work, which was rare, they were given a potion of dandelion milk, squirrel fur, and arsenic to ingest, with a bottle of leeches to apply externally. If that still didn’t take, they would sacrifice a goat as the Shaman took over, and goodbyes were said.
More To Do:
Watch that video on how to not be passive aggressive.
Start watching those barber education videos you paid for but never log into.
Remember!!!: Waxing Crescent Moon Feb 18-23. Write things down that week. In pen. On a stack of Post-Its. Side note: Does the Full Moon get all the flack because of werewolves but it’s really the Waxing Crescent we need to heed? I should do some YouTube deep dives to be sure. Surely some modern day Shaman has insightful things to tell me.
Here’s the World’s Best Spotify Playlist which you hear at the shop.
Love you, you’re handsome, and forgetting things isn’t a stain on your true character.
Your Second Favourite Barber,
Seth