Back to School Special
Sup nerds and cool dudes. (whichever you think you are, you’re the opposite).
I hope this email finds you well. Heads up, this one’s kinda salty.
Book a cut here if you’d like to get to brass tacks.
I’m writing to you from the tail end of my much needed holiday. As you may know, I was very excited to have a week of relaxation in the Okanagan. And as you may also know, that whole place is/was on fire. (The evacuation order lifted right in time this past weekend.) So I’m in my living room in Red Deer. With rain and clouds and mid-teen degrees all week, warming up just in time for my return to work. A nice holiday turned into a 10 day weekend at home. So that’s super awesome. I thought about opening up my schedule but remembered back-to-school time and thought, nuh-uh. I’m not ready, coach. But I re-caulked the shower, so it wasn’t a waste. CAN YOU TELL I’M NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT? If you could just do me a favour and tell me your summer sucked as well, I’d be grateful. Although I really do hope it ruled.
And this newsletter is later than my usual 15th of the month goal because whereas it usually takes me two sit-down sessions to write, I picked up the computer every day and tried to write it but I just wasn’t feeling witty. So these suckers are gonna get the real Seth. CRANKY WITH SNIDE HUMOUR. REAL PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE-LIKE.
Quick Housekeeping for the newbs
Park free in the back beside my blue Civic, Book a cut right now, and heads up I may need to bump you 15 mins forward or back to fit more cuts in. I’m not even gonna feel bad about it anymore. I DO NOT NEED TO CARRY THIS EMOTIONAL LABOUR ANYMORE.
Pressing Business
What happens is, it’s Monday and you go to book a cut and the calendar comes up and you think, “Oh, there’s an opening Thursday. Great. Click.” But you forgot that your boy is super rad and just so popular, so it’s actually nextThursday. I know I repeat myself, but it happens about twice or thrice a week, so it bears repeating.
I’m booking like a week-ish out lately, so just assume that it’s rare to find a cut the week you’re looking. I mean, really, it’s your fault for recommending me to your friends and spreading the word. Just kidding, thank you for doing that so I don’t have to advertise. Or go on social media. I do, BUT I DON’T FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT.
Seth’s Observations
Here are some things I’m learning as I go in this business:
If everyone is early, the last appointment of the day will always be late.
Retirees love to be 15 minutes early. And it’s usually during my lunch.
If there’s a cancellation or a no-show, it’s in the middle of the day, never at the end.
The ones who say, “I’m not picky” are always the pickiest. No exceptions.
This isn’t barbershop related, just conversation related: Nobody knows how to use the phrase “that being said”. It can be anything. It can be a caveat, a segue, an example, whathaveyou. I don’t even know how to use it anymore. That being said, who cares. Nothing matters anymore. People don’t even use turn signals anymore. It’s martial law out there. Do whatever you want, I guess, and leave it to us to figure it out.
I get a notification whenever someone books, and every so often I see a client booking multiple appointments at once for the next 3 or 4 months, and I just feel so proud when I see that. Like when your kid uses good manners in public, or when they help an old lady cross the street. I see a string of bookings and I think, “That’s my boy”, and I tear up a bit.
Seth’s Styling Tips
Stop me if I’ve said this before. If your hair is on the thinning side and you want it to look fuller, don’t use a wet pomade. It clumps the hair together and makes it easier to see the scalp. Think of a corn field compared to a wheat field.
Use a matte clay or pomade. If the clay doesn’t have the rock solid hold you’re looking for, lock it in with a hairspray. And use a fine-toothed comb. That being said, wide teeth or your fingers will spread the hair.
That’s all I have this month. It took 10 days to write this? Maybe I should’ve used AI to help me. Just kidding. Ha! Could you imagine?
Next month’s will be better, and that’s my campaign promise to you (read: very slim chance of happening).
LOVE YOU,
Your Second Favourite Barber, Seth.
I am insufferable. I am free. I am the wind.
Too important to bury under the other links: You can get a mail-in ballot for the referendum, this could allow you more time to study the questions on the implications of your vote. And avoid lineups! AND THE PEOPLE IN THE LINEUPS! (go to "Complete the online form")
LINKS!
It feels like it less and less, but there’s Good News out there.
Music has charms to soothe the savage beast.
Because why not, I guess.