September? I hardly know her!
Happy Autumn! Yes, it’s still summer for a week, but, you know. It’ll be well past Fall Equinox by the time most of you read this anyway. Guess I’m not “priority”. Guess you have “more important” and “better” “things” to “do”. That’s fine. Better “late” than “never”. At least you booked your haircut, right?
We had our two weeks of beautiful scenery, and now it’s time for the wind to blow all the leaves off and ruin it for everyone. If you’re a family portrait photographer, I’d wish you the best, but you’re probably too busy to read this. (Also, if you’re getting family photos done, book a cut now or oh boy is your wife gonna be mad)
Real talk: I’ve downloaded a pesky case of writer’s block, so I’m really gonna phone this one in.
Click here if you want to spare yourself:
https://sethsbarbershop.salonmonster.com
Speaking of catching annoying bugs, I swear to Rod (Stewart) if you come into the barbershop with any kind of cold or flu? Just don’t. I’ve been itching to ban someone, and anyone who makes me miss work will be 86’d. Back to School colds and flus are the worst. 25 degrees out and you’re on the couch with a box of Kleenex, watching The OC on the laptop. Sure, it has its upsides, but I don’t get sick days, so I’d rather keep it healthy. Every Cough Will Be Judged.
Lots of people prefer the summer while some hate the heat. Some insane people prefer winter, while we normies hate the cold. But everyone loves the fall time. Crisp mornings, changing leaves, baseball playoffs, hockey and US football are back, CFL is doing something, and it’s almost Pumpkin Spice Latte time.
It’s just the best. You can put on your stylish boots, your sweet in-between jacket, maybe even a scarf? Stop by the local cafe (I know you think Starbies has the PSL market cornered, but you’re wrong. No Chains) and getcherself a Punkin Spice. Not your style? Tough. You have to. It’s just what you do. Do you go to Octoberfest and drink canned vodka sodas? No. You drink beer. Do you go to the beach bar and order an Irish Coffee? Sure they’re delicious, but that’s not the time or place. When you go crunch leaves, you get a PSL. Hold the sugar for all I care. They don’t even have calories. While you’re waiting for the baristo to whip it up, you can whip out your phone and book a haircut. https://sethsbarbershop.salonmonster.com Keep it in your open tabs for rapid booking.
Anyway, you get that tasty treat and you go walking down by McKenzie Trail(s), or Heritage Ranch, or wherever you are, and you go enjoy nature. You walk with your head up and say to yourself or your walking partner how beautiful it all is. You watch the ebb and flow of nature, reminding yourself of the impermanence of life. Leaves die like the goldfish you forgot about, the geese fly away without looking back, just like your ex did. You marvel at the beautiful colours, blocking out the fact that in two months there will be no colour at all. Just drab. Devoid of life, this frozen tundra. So cruel, the ice.
You take a deep breath in through your nose, the air so fresh. Ahhhhhh, that’s the stuff. Soak it in. By November your nostrils will freeze together if you take a breath that big. Feel the warmth of your to-go cup. So comforting on your chilled hands. By Remembrance Day you’ll need thick mitts and long johns. Lengthy Johnathans, for us upper-crust type.
Soak up the last time you can walk freely without risk of slipping and throwing your back out. Without warming up your car. You have no lawn to mow, no sidewalk to shovel. Enjoy the freedom! You can expose skin that will get neither stung nor frostbitten! You’ll look back and think, we had it so good. So warm. Oh well, it’ll be nice again in May. Or June.
Seth’s Soapbox
Hallowe’en decorations go out October 1st, Xmas decorations go out December 1st. No exceptions! We have unwritten societal rules and norms, and just because you want to get your money’s worth on your Home Depot skeleton doesn’t mean you get to ruin my PSL walks. I want to remain oblivious to impending doom.
I get heated on this topic. Just because the stores sell it, doesn’t mean you have to put it out! Costco sells tents and kayaks in February, but you don’t use them until the time is right, right? Right. (I feel like I wrote this same tangent last year, but it bears repeating). Don’t be a slave to the corporate machine that is Big Holiday! Resist! Until the 1st!
*If you want to spookify or jolly up your interior, go nuts. Hang your stockings Nov 1, I don’t give a care. Just please be respectful of my spite.
Book a haircut and we can gripe about it.
https://sethsbarbershop.salonmonster.com
Seth’s Health Tips
Take your vitamins and wash your hands, because if you get me sick…see above.
Seth’s Styling Tips
Look. I’m not the best at styling. I try, and I’m slowly getting better. But when I style you up after your cut, I use a blow dryer, maybe a vent brush (that I got at Dollarama, and you can too!) a comb, and sometimes a wide-toothed comb. You may need these at home. Don’t be afraid of a blow dryer! Use a diffuser attachment like I do so you don’t poof out your hair like you’re George Michael. A look I’m sure will come back very soon. If you leave your hair wet, that water will sit on your scalp and get itchy. Itchy scalp? Dry your hair more and better.
One Last Thing
If you’re looking for a break from the terribleness of the internet and world, and if you’ve been online at any point in the last little bit, I’m sure you do, there’s a newsletter called Fix The News. It sends out all the good news that is happening in the world that you may not be aware of.
For instance: did you know that between 2015 and 2024, 961 million people gained safe drinking water? 1.2B gained safe sanitation, and 1.5B gained access to basic hygiene services. That’s amazing.
And although Canada’s wildfires were then second-worst ever this year, global burned area has fallen 26% between 2002 and 2021. That’s good news.
If you want to get a second newsletter to dig you out of the doldrums, go here:
I guess that’s all I have for you this month. Thanks for joining me on this timewaster of a journey. At least you weren’t on Facebook.
See you soon. Stay handsome, and don’t let The Algorithm get to ya.
Your Second Favourite Barber,
Seth