How I Spent My Summer Vacation
(Upbeat theme song, horns and all) iiiiiiiiiit’s Newsletter Time! Now here’s your host: Seth!
Good morning or evening! (waving, finger guns) What a summer, hey? Oof. More like Bummer Vacation, am I right? It’s like Mother Nature deleted her Weather Network app. (laughter) (rimshot) Hayo!
It was two weeks ago- TWO WEEKS! Have you seen this? Two weeks ago I noticed the leaves changing colour. It’s like the trees have their location settings set to Svalbard! (rimshot) (hold for laughter and applause). Svalbard. It’s way up in the Arct- ah, you know. (bass guitar going woooOOOooo)
What else is in the news. At least there’s no forest fire smoke. (smattering of applause) Right? That’s a good thing. But now we could use some of those flames to heat our houses! (golf swing) (uproarious laughter and applause) it’s cold out…
Anyway, stick around, we’ve got a great newsletter for you, Seth’s Health Tips will be here. (absolutely riotous applause) And we’ll be right back with important news right after a word from this month's sponsor. (Theme music)
(This space for rent)
And now, back to our newsletter! …Okay I don’t want to do the talk show bit anymore. Speaking of lame jokes wink wink nudge nudge. Regular newsletter. Here we go.
Back to school season is here, better get your cuts scheduled R!F!N!.
Right here!
https://sethsbarbershop.salonmonster.com
I’m learning that it gets nuts from now until mid September, then goes back to manageable for a week or so, then crazy again for the pre-Thanksgiving rush.
Seth’s Styling Tips
Is your hair thinning? Are you concerned about how it looks? If you’re not concerned, you’re the model of self esteem and disregard for the opinions of others and I strive to be that one day and would sign up for your class in a heartbeat. If you are concerned, however, try using a clay-based hair product instead of a gel. Shiny gels have hold, but they hold the hairs together so the scalp is more visible with a wet look. Dry clays still have hold, but don’t lock them together, making for a fuller, more natural look.
Speaking of baldness, a handsome barbershop regular sent me this link to an article about a breakthrough in hair loss science. It’s a few years from FDA approval, but there’s hope on the horizon! Of course someone is bound to make it prohibitively expensive because why would we make something to help humanity and mental health and make it affordable for people? Won’t somebody think of the Big Pharma stockholders?!? The gap between rich and poor isn’t going to pad itself. Anyway, here’s the link. (I’m trying to become less of a cynical skeptic, I promise. [A skynic.]) https://newsroom.ucla.edu/magazine/baldness-cure-pp405-molecule-breakthrough-treatment
Other Things:
My kids are signed up to play Pond Hockey again this year, and RDPH is always looking for more players, as more players means more teams. If your kid (aged 5-17) wants to play hockey but you don’t have the time and/or dollars for RD minor hockey, check out reddeerpondhockey.com. Super affordable, 1 game per weekend (plus one midweek outdoor practice per week starting in Jan), very inclusive, and zero tolerance for verbal abuse so you don’t have to put up with “those” parents. Boys and girls, any and all skill levels. Do it. It’s fun. Let’s go.
Seth’s Health Tips
Did you know? Since it’s fruit season, you may be interested to learn that the white part of the watermelon rind - the part between the pink and the green skin - can help strengthen erections. Okay, grow up. I used medical terminology and everything. Did you get your giggling out of your system? Okay, let’s continue. Anyway, it’s true, I read it on the internet once. Chomp that rind right down to the green and try it out for yourself. I don’t know how much the recommended dose is, or how much it takes to work, but you can’t overdose. You may have to combine it with manifestation and/or/Andor monkey paw or whatever your life coach recommends, but it’s worth a shot. Plus, it reduces waste. You’re doing the environment (and your partner) a favour. If anything, you’ll be hydrated.
Full Disclosure
So I wrote out this whole “funny” made-up story (after a few Wily Wolverines) about my fictional past as a life coach, morphing into a cult leader, etc., but it got too cynical, which I’m trying to avoid, so I deleted it. Got too long and dumb. However, during the part in which I went off on motivational podcasts I wondered if anyone had come up with the brilliant idea of a Christian podcast called Godcast™. I mean, No Judgement™, I just stumbled upon a play on words that was unavoidable. I’m going to actively not google it and simply assume intellectual property rights, which I can only assume holds up in court. Thus, dibs.
So I’ll spare you a long, dumb story this month, but I’m going to make next month’s longer and dumber. Just a heads up.
And just so I don’t seem like I have all these amazing ideas and only think about myself, here’s a list of podcast puns that you can use, no credit necessary:
Bodcast - For gym people, about working out and whatever they do over there in those places.
Modcast - About the British Mod subculture with their Vespas, cafe racers, drugs, and rock and roll. And great hair and music. I’ve already subscribed.
Sodcast - For landscapers. Niche.
Toddcast - By people named Todd, for people named Todd. Hosted by Todds Barry and Rundgren. Stick around till the end for Todds and Ends.
Broadcast - By chicks, for chicks. No bros allowed.
Prodcast - For cattle farmers
Rodcast - Dedicated to Rod Stewart. Actually you can’t have this one, this one’s all mine. In Rod we trust.
Well, that’s what August did to me, I hope yours was better.
BeeTeeDub: If you’re looking for something to listen to, here’s my favourite song of the month: https://open.spotify.com/track/5MWBmYVuFahGR9wWVFbbsL?si=201a3593cfa44c6f It’s a song called Stay by a band called Plastic Estate. It’s nice.
Anyway. See you soon.
Don’t forget: Live and let live, calm the eff down, and stay handsome.
Love,
Your Second Favourite Barber,
Seth
Don't forget to book a cut! https://sethsbarbershop.salonmonster.com