November’s newsletter!
Happy November, pals. Sorry I’m a day late (and a buck short). I know you wait with trembling anticipation for The World’s Best Newsletter, but it’s called being fashionably late. Keep ‘em guessing.
As you may have noticed, my schedule is booking up, roughly a week in advance. I’ve already got half-full days the week before Yuletide. So plan your Holiday cuts, because I want you to look good for your family and I don’t want you to settle for a chain cut, if you know what I mean. And don’t forget, if you go on a recurring schedule (your choice of time interval) you get 10% off every time.
CHECK THE DATE WHEN BOOKING
There was a weird rash of clients coming in a week early for their appointments (1 or 2 always happens, but 7?), so please double check the date you book. It happened because I took 3 days off, so you choose the next available Wednesday thinking it’s the coming one, when in fact it’s next week. Like I said, it happens. You’re not weird. You’re not foolish. You’re just like everyone else! Except you don’t know what date it is. Love you.
PARKING
Parking, am I right? I don’t want your haircut to cost $60 more than it is, so get the HotSpot app on your phone, load it up with $10 and it’ll last you a year. Those pesky Commissionaire meter maids can smell an unvalidated vehicle 4 blocks away, like a shark to a drop of blood in the ocean. Or they hide behind a shopping cart and as soon as you walk inside, they’ll scan your plate. Even in a high-vis vest they blend in with their surroundings, like Predator. It must be alien technology.
My grandpa was a Commish. After he retired from his job as a tax collector he found himself very bored. He decided against getting a hobby- he always said he didn’t want to be interesting. Reading books and learning new things was out of the question, he knew everything already. One day while ol’ PeePaw was downtown at the bank to deposit 3 pennies he found, he saw happy people shopping and enjoying themselves, and he said to himself, “This has to stop.”
He got a job with the Commishes because he had the ability to walk all day. That was the only requirement. He would walk up and down the streets, checking the parking meters for upcoming time expiries, sometimes waiting for the 0:01 to turn to all zeroes, then he would flip open that ticket pad and smile smugly as he put the ticket under the wiper blade. When the city switched to the HotSpot app, he was so excited to increase his productivity. Gramps knew how to grind.
“On weekdays I wake up,” he told me once, “I have my cup of coffee, watch the sunrise, and just feel blessed that I get to go out and ruin people’s days, all day long. There’s not one person who’s happy to see me, and it’s fantastic. But lately there’s not as many people downtown, I don’t know why. It’s not hard to park, the app works like 75% of the time, and we put up some boxes you can pay at, there are 7 of them downtown! We don’t tell you where they are, it’s a fun little scavenger hunt. Besides, there are more and more empty lots every month thanks to all the buildings they knock down, maybe they’ll make them into more parking! They sure as heck won’t be putting up more buildings there in my lifetime.”
At Grandpa’s funeral, everyone who came got a ticket and the hearse was towed.
I’m kidding, my grandpas were both cool. Anyway, I rent out an extra parking space behind the barbershop for you to park for free. I used to have a sign there, but a friendly downtown resident decided they wanted it for themselves. It was that nice of a sign. Please park against the grey wall beside my blue Civic. The other spots are rented monthly by other people who work downtown and next door, and they have very sharp keys.
The ol’ 15 Minute Bump
When you go to book, you get a list of times. Pick the one that works best for you, obviously. However, since it offers slots in 15 minute increments, and my haircuts are 45 mins long, sometimes I may need to bump you 15 mins ahead or back to make room for another cut. I used to text asking for bump permission, but that gets exhausting and embarrassing. So I’m going to just bump and you’ll get a text/email saying your appointment is updated. But I know you may have time constraints, so if it’s not doable, just reply saying so and I’ll stick to your original request and I’ll have a coffee break. Win/winnish.
Seth’s Health Tips
Winter is here, so I must reiterate that if you’re sick, please rebook. I’ll even take a last minute cancellation to avoid getting coughed on. Wash your hands, maybe get a flu shot, take care of yourself. Instagram tells me you may not be getting enough protein?
Seth’s Soapbox
I’ve got the Food Bank donation box in the shop again this year, if you’ve got some extra non-perishables in the pantry, or if you’ve got spare dollars in your wallet, I’ll take them and pass them along.
Seth’s Style Tips
Fresh batch of new shirt designs and colours coming soon!
That’s all the time I’ll waste today, thanks for reading this whole thing. I forgot to have a newsletter sponsor this month, so I’ll give a freebee to my landlord, Alta. They have great stuff from brands you can’t find anywhere else in town, and you’ll be supporting local. Just imagine how good you’ll feel after you get a handsome haircut, give to the food bank, and buy some handsome clothes from a locally owned shop. You’ll be unstoppable.
You’re cool, you’re handsome, and you’re doing better than you think. Thanks for being my client.
Your Second Favourite Barber,
Seth