Brand-new-same-old newsletter
Hello and welcome to The World’s Best Newsletter. You’ve received it because you’re on my email list, so if you don’t like emails, feel free to unsubscribe. But the Unsubscribe link is at the bottom, so you might as well read your way down there. TWBN is a way to remind you that you need a haircut, and to let you know what’s new in the shop. And a way for me to tell stupid little stories.
Here’s what’s new this month!
This is my 13th newsletter but my first newsletter sent with salonMonster, my new booking and payment system. salonMonster is a 6-person team from Van/Vic and they’ve been superb. They focus on my industry, unlike the old one that was for everything, where my customer service inquiries were handled as if the bank was in charge. “Things not working right? Your satisfaction is important to us, so we’ll contact you in 15-20 business days.”
The one I sent with the old software may have been flashier with templates and Book Now buttons, but it was way more expensive, and I can now pass those savings on to me. I’ll experiment with the pictures and addons, so let’s explore together, shall we? I can do bold, underlined, even the one that looks like I'm correcting myself! Links, and colours! \\
I’ve been told that booking is about the same ease of use (once you reset your password, which, I know. It happens. Just use your favourite song title with an exclamation mark. Eg: HellsBells1!), which was a big fear of mine. I pictured many of you trying over and over to get into your account, being unsuccessful, throwing your phone, then coming into the shop demanding I replace it. Hasn’t happened so far. And I don’t know about you, but I really enjoy the professional grade debit machine instead of handing you my own beat-up phone to ask for money (I’ve since learned to use the same password for everything to make it easy to remember. It’s my birthday! But don’t tell anyone). Also mine is all beat up due to reasons stated above.
Next thing!
This past weekend, in an attempt to get better at cutting hair, I attended a barber expo in Calgary. Expos like this are the same as any industry: vendor booths, guest speakers, networking. I went to learn from the "big names" putting on demonstrations. Always learning, like the hashtag says. I walked in a half hour before it started and I got 20 feet in when a guy in a ballcap and perfect beard stops me and asks me if I'm anyone's model today. I get that question a lot, so it didn't faze me. I tell him no, and he asks if I would for him. His model wasn't answering (it was 8:30 on a Sunday morning) so he urgently needed someone with a beard, and he was first up. I figured, why not? I'm here to learn, and I'll have the closest seat with nobody in front of me. And having this (I'm pointing to my face) up on stage might even help get a bigger crowd. Can't even go 20 feet without modeling gigs thrown at me. Damn this beauty!!!
I felt bad not knowing who he was and asking his name, this guy from the States, apparently with a big enough following to get flown in and paid to do a beard trim on stage, all the while explaining how it's best done with the clipper he's using. Anyway, Eric demonstrated how to blend a beard to the haircut, he didn't do the whole beard. Which is a relief, because the beards I saw on stage that day were definitely not my style. To each their own, but I wear too many cardigans and not enough gold for the styles that were prominent that day. But he did a fantastic job on the cheeks and sideburns. He lined up my neckline, I felt he went a bit higher than I would, but hey. It'll grow back.
After thunderous applause at the finished product I milled about and checked out new tools which were strangely all the best selling in North America, each clipper claiming to be better than the one at the booth beside them. I looked at new hair products, but since nobody offered samples to take home, I didn't buy them. Seriously, do vendors think we're going to carry their whole line of products based on the packaging alone? I'm going to buy $500 worth of stuff to put it in my clients' hair to find out it's nice smelling garbage? Like I've never met a salesman before. Get outta here. Sweet banner, though.
I saw 8 presenters and I think I came away with 2 good points. Will they justify the $80 plus gas I spent? Time will tell. But here's the best part:
The next morning I was in the mirror, admiring, and I noticed my beard line on my neck was off. I pointed my chin up and saw that my beard was a WHOLE METRIC INCH higher on the right side than the left. If you grew up in the 80s you'll remember the hairspray girls with super high asymmetrical hair and they had to cock their head to the side to keep it from falling over. That's what I have to do to look like my beard is straight. Like I'm pondering. All day. For the next month or so.
But it made me oddly happy. Knowing that we're all just full of crap, aren't we? We're all just faking it until we make it, and even when we're wildly successful and get paid to tell people how to do things, we're still faking it. The people who get paid to be on stage, the industry leaders, they’re just really good at marketing themselves. Tony Robbins stole all his material from other go-getters. Every music hit is a ripoff of another. I mean, look at pop-country music. It’s all the same song! Every self-help book is essentially the same, they just follow the formula and get a nice cover, which is also the same as all the other book covers on the shelf. HAVE YOU EVER MET A LIFE COACH WHO ACTUALLY HAS THEIR LIFE TOGETHER?!? OF COURSE YOU HAVEN’T!!!
This is a long newsletter and not even one of the better ones I’ve done. Stick around, they get better. I just haven’t been on Substack lately to get ideas from other people’s posts to steal. Before you hit Unsub, gimme another shot. One more month. This one is like a week late, it’s tax season, the playoffs are Flameless. I’m in a dinghy without a rudder, adrift on Sylvan Lake, my oar is 30 feet away, I’m hand-paddling toward it to no avail. I’m wishing it, willing it toward me, but nothing. I’m waiting for a jetboat filled with people in white Oakleys and mesh cowboy hats found in a case of Corona to blast too close to me so I can ride their wake toward my oar but they don’t see me because they’re going 5 knots over the speed limit and they’re shotgunning Twisted Teas and they can’t hear my warning yells over the Morgan Wallen cranked on their stereo. I’m powerless. Think, Seth, think! What would Tony Robbins do? I roll onto my stomach and hang my legs over and start to kick. I’m filled with purpose and I really hope I don’t kick any seaweed, because ew. I’m hit with an empty tea can but I don’t care. I AM ON MY WAY HOME! TO SEND A NEWSLETTER!!!I
Love you, miss you, see you soon.
Your Second Favourite Barber,
Seth