APRIL!!!

Welcome to the April meeting of The World’s Best Newsletter. Are all in attendance? Great. Motion to have last month’s minutes adopted as read. Seconded? Motion passed.

First on the Agenda for this month:

2 high school graduations around Victoria Day long weekend, so it’ll be pretty busy before then, get it while you can and plan ahead! The other 2 are at the end of June. I’ll give another heads up next month.

Second topic:

How ‘bout this weather, am I right? Talk about teasin’ season. But you know what they say, “April flurries bring May worries.” 

It may be safe to say winter is over over but you never know. We’re all getting very antsy. Grumpy, even. Then you have “those” people who say, “but we had a pretty good winter so we can’t complain that much.”  You know what? Shut up. It’s still winter on my skin and not summer. That’s like saying, “oh it’s not bad in this prison, it’s only a minimum security and not a maximum.” It’s still prison! It sucks! If my good behaviour isn’t going to get me early release, then I might as well riot. It’s more satisfying. 

Look. I’m sorry I told you to shut up. You were just being an optimist and the world needs more people like you. Optimists who read the room. 

Next up:

Let Me Tell You About The Barber Expo I Went To Last Weekend.

Take 2: I typed a big, long, vitriolic, scathing, but oh so clever review but deleted it. (I haven’t deleted it yet so if you want to read it, let me know and I may send it to you) It was nice to get off my chest journal-style, but in the interest of being an optimist, I’ll just sum it up.

Presenters from the biggest cities in North America, teaching how to get rich being a barber. (Read: charge $100+, build a brand at all costs with the help of design and marketing teams)

I went hoping for tips and tricks on cutting hair, trends and new ways of bettering my skills. I left with a swag bag of products I’ll never carry and a few small bags of cologne. You read that right.

Cool T.O. Guy explained that longer hair is trending these days, which is true here as well. I wonder if it really is the style or if his clients would rather spend $200 every 4 months instead of every 4 weeks. Are hairstyles a harbinger of economic stress? Like the Stripper Index, where a decline in dancers’ tips and traffic often precede economic recessions.

I guess I’m not the target audience. Maybe it’s not for middle aged barbers from small cities with no big name rappers. And that’s okay. I should’ve learned my lesson last year and not expected something different. Fool me twice.

It’s very reminiscent of the bartending/cocktailing world. When “craft” cocktailing became the rage, many got very pretentious about it. Myself included. “This is the new way! This ain’t your grandpa’s bar anymore. Gotta be cool!” Only the best brands, best tools, and high prices will do. Put down that Budweiser and pick up a craft lager for 4x the cost. I know you just want a cold, crisp lager, but have you tried this Mango Raspberry Sour IPA that will leave you even thirstier? We spent years trying to convince people that what they were drinking was inferior to the new recipes and products that the cool guys in NYC were using, Nevermind that we’re in Red Deer, Alberta. Old Fashioneds caught on, and you can get some great drinks in town here if you want them.

If I was (were?) 21 and single and wanting to trade my dad wardrobe in for one that's solid black aside from my gold accoutrements, get on stage and tell other barbers “my journey”, sure, I’d drink the Monster. But just like how it’s nice to enjoy a $25 cocktail once or twice but true happiness for me is a good pint with friends, I don’t want my barbershop to look like a lab, I want it to be comfortable with good people in my chair.

I’ll continue to search for education from experts who want to teach me how to cut hair better and more efficiently and stay out of my business model, but that search continues.

I enjoy cutting your hair and talking with you, so thanks for coming back. And thanks for being patient with my full schedule.

And thanks for being on time and remembering your appointments. I guess passive aggressive guilt trips DO work!

Keep up the good work, Champ. I’m proud of you.